All of us have a biography: a set or string of events, which make up our lives. Not all of these events that have occurred in our biography are pleasant. As we go through our lives many of us drag these unpleasant events along with us throughout the years and these events shape who we are to become. Often times we give energy to these events and feed them for the purpose of filling a void or a need. We reach out to others in our lives and share this biography in the hopes of eliciting some sort of gain. The energy that comes from these events is negative. As we share these negative events with others that energy feeds our cells. That negative energy that is feeding our cells is also feeding our illnesses and our diseases. That which was once known as our biography has now become our biology.
Over the past few decades there has been a huge shift in how we speak to each other and about what we share. On her audio CD, “Why People Don’t Heal”, Caroline Myss (2001) attributes this shift to our level of intimacy. Myss contends that prior to WWII we as a society did not speak on the same level of intimacy that we do today. She describes this language as “Woundology”. Woundology as she suggests is basically the language we exchange with others that gives us power. We manipulate others by using this language to feed our wounds of the past. For some people healing is not an option because if they are healed or cured of their disease or illness they would lose their power over others.
So many people use their illnesses as a crutch, a way to avoid an event, a situation, or to either draw people into their lives or to distance themselves. If the illness were no longer present in would force them to confront these events, or situations, and possibly eliminate their excuses for developing meaningful relationships. One event that comes to mind is of a woman who had committed numerous injustices towards others throughout her life. Her life had revolved around feeding her own pleasures while ignoring the consequences. Nothing in her life ever went the way it was supposed to and she had always been the victim. Later in life this woman developed a chronic illness. Now she was truly the victim and could use this illness to justify all of the unpleasant events, which had occurred in her life prior to the onset of the illness. She could also blame the illness for all of the injustices, which she had bestowed on others. This would alleviate her from the burden or responsibility of ever having to say she was sorry and she could remain the victim. Her conversations usually included a reference to her illness and an elaborate explanation of why it prevents her from doing so many things. Oh how she hates this illness. Why me is now her mantra as she so gracefully assumes the role as…the victim. Her family tries to comfort her and tell her that it is not her fault. They suggest numerous resources, which may help her with her illness but she refuses. If she were to seek out these resources and they actually cured her of her disease she would lose that power and be forced to take responsibility for her actions.
Caroline Myss states, “Healing is unattractive”. (2001). Healing is most definitely unattractive because it requires addressing all the wounds that we tend to sugar coat and bury away in the deepest darkest crevasses of our being. When you are addressing these wounds and bringing them to the surface there is a metaphorical festering prior to healing. When you heal you also lose the drama that draws in other victims. Now you no longer have this audience who is attracted to your illness, and you are forced to find a new audience, or a healthier audience.
Healing requires change and change can be frightening to some. It is much easier for most people to remain within their comfort zone and to stick with what they know. Healing requires commitment. If you have been using your illness to avoid commitment it will be extremely difficult to give up the sanctuary provided to you by your illness. Healing also requires taking responsibility for your actions. Most people would find it much easier to hang on to the illness than it would be to take responsibility for their own lives. There can be much comfort in an illness if you allow it to nurture your needs. You can also think of an illness as a bad habit, which many of us are not ready to kick. Its like giving up any bad habit, there are always those triggers that draw us back to our vices. When we do decide that it is time to give up that habit we must begin to deprive ourselves of the things that we love, the things that comfort us, and the things that nurture us in our time of need.
Anorexia and bulimia are actually illnesses that revolve around deprivation; a wound so deep that it has no language and cannot be expressed. It eats away from the inside out until the exterior self starts to mirror the interior. The visual then becomes the language as the appearance creates the victim. The stage is set as the audience gathers. Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, gather around to see…the victim. Despite the fact that they could not express their concerns or that they had no language or “woundology”, the illness has served its purpose. Like a neon sign that flashes incessantly, “See me, I am the victim”.
Conversely those who become addicted to food often try to insulate themselves from the world around them. There exists some fear of intimacy or rejection, which is satiated through the comfort of food; a non judgemental confidant always standing by in their hour of need.
So how can we relate other illnesses to this internal eruption that derives from our inner self and manifests itself externally as disease? The German homeopath, Constantine Hering laid down three laws of cure, which are known as Hering’s laws. According to Hering’s first law, “healing progresses from the deepest part of the organism – the mental and emotional levels and the vital organs – to the external parts, such as the skin and extremities. A cure is in progress when a person’s psychological symptoms lessen and the physical symptoms increase.” “On the other hand, if physical symptoms improve but the psychological state worsens, the person’s state of health is thought to be deteriorating”. (Cummings & Ullman, 1997) So what Hering was actually saying is that if you heal the inner emotional wound the exterior manifestation will follow. Perhaps the language used to describe certain emotions is not that far from the cure. People that are riddled with guilt, those who are so angry they say it is eating them up inside, when someone is sad and becomes chocked up, or even when we refer to having a broken heart. These emotions certainly trigger a physiological response within the body.
Many of us contribute to our own ill health by indulging in behaviors despite the fact that we know they are bad for us. However, if you look at these behaviors there is usually a psychological trigger which puts the behavior in motion. Consider this, we reach for food, smoke cigarettes, and drink alcohol when we are stressed, when we are angry, and when we are sad. We know that these behaviors or substances are bad for us but we use them as a crutch just like we do our illnesses. So is it the emotional factor that is making us ill or is it the physical substance that we are putting into our bodies that is making us ill? Perhaps if we addressed the emotional aspect of the situation we wouldn’t have to comfort ourselves with the physical substances and therefore we might avoid certain illnesses in the future.
It is my belief that many of us may not even realize that we are contributing to our own ill health. Symptoms start to arise and we look to eliminate the symptom. Why would we assume that in order to address the physical complaint we must address the internal wound? In our western culture this is not the norm. It takes a strong person to delve into the psyche and mend and nurture those wounds. Perhaps if we as a culture begin to mainstream these theories they will eventually become the norm and people will first look inward when addressing illnesses and disease. Regardless of whether or not these theories are the norm there will always be those people who refuse to let go of their illness, and those who refuse to heal.References
Cummings, S., & Ullman, D. (1997). Everybody’s guide to homeopathic medicines. New York: Penguin Group Inc.
Myss, C (2001). Why people don’t heal. [CD ROM]. Available: Colorado: Sounds True
Natalie Vickery is a Certified Family Herbalist and a doctoral student in Naturopathy. Her primary philosophy is “The Doctor as the Teacher”, as she works to educate others on the benefits of healing naturally and taking responsibility for individual health. Natalie is a member of the American Herbalist Guild and provides consultations focusing on nutrition and herbal medicine. If you would like to learn more about Natalie or her practice you can find her on the web at http://thefamilyherbalist.com
by Kevin B. Burk
(c) 2005, Kevin B. Burk, All Rights Reserved
I recently attended a metaphysical lecture facilitated by
Guy Williams, a friend of mine who also happens to be a
minister of Religious Science. After the lecture, Guy opened
the floor for prayer requests, and one of the attendees
asked for healing for a family member who was experiencing a
significant health crisis.
In the course of the discussion, Guy asked if the attendee
was certain that her family member actually wanted to heal,
observing, “Most people don’t really want to heal. Most
people just want to stop hurting.”
Once again, an off-hand comment by Guy Williams completely
rearranged the furniture in my head. (If you’d like to see
the results of some of Guy’s other off-hand comments, check
out The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve
Every Relationship in Your Life. The sections on forgiveness
and anger are both inspired by Guy’s wisdom).
Most people don’t want to heal. Most people just want to
stop hurting.
Most of us want to wave a magic wand and make the pain go
away. Most of us focus on treating the symptoms: we’ll take
pills, injections, or have surgery. We claim that we want to
heal, but we rarely choose to heal. We remain motivated as
long as we’re in pain, and once that pain has become
bearable or manageable, we choose to return to our normal
lives.
This is not healing.
For most of us, healing is a big, scary, and uncomfortable
prospect. Healing requires that we do two very simple, yet
incredibly unappealing tasks. First, we must accept that we
are responsible for creating our own illness: Our thoughts,
beliefs, choices and actions are directly responsible for
the imbalance and dis-ease we are experiencing in our
physical bodies. Second, we must be willing to change our
lives and eliminate the thoughts, beliefs, choices and
actions that created and supported the imbalance and
dis-ease, replacing them with new choices that support
balance and health.
The process of healing really is very simple, and if we
break it down into small, manageable steps, following the
process can also become easy as well. As with most
challenges we encounter during our human experience, healing
requires that we first become familiar with and learn how to
master our egos.
THE CARE AND FEEDING OF THE EGO
Let’s begin by remembering who we truly are. We are each
whole and complete, eternal, multi-dimensional beings,
individualized aspects of All That Is. We are also each
currently having a human experience, in the third dimension
of matter and form, on the planet Earth.
When we begin our human experiences, we’re given a very
useful tool to help us to interact with the third dimension:
the ego. The ego is entirely a third-dimensional construct.
In a sense, we put on an “ego suit” so that we can
experience and explore the third dimension from a unique and
specific point of view. The ego helps us to pretend that we
are individuals; more specifically, the ego helps us to
pretend that we’re not, in fact, connected to each other as
a part of All That Is. Ultimately, our egos are designed to
help us to remember where we left our car keys, and not much
else.
The problem is that our egos don’t know this.
Our ego believes that its job is to protect us from what it
perceives to be a very cruel and dangerous universe. Since
the ego was created to help us maintain the illusion of
separation from the Source, separation is all that the ego
knows. The ego feels lost, isolated and alone. In an attempt
to protect us from the pain of the world, the ego increases
our sense of separation. Of course, the greater the
separation, the more pain. The more the ego tries to protect
us from the pain of separation, the more pain it causes.
The ego’s single greatest fear is death. Everything the ego
does, it does to try to prevent itself from being destroyed.
The ego _can_ be destroyed-it’s a product of the third
dimension, and therefore it’s fragile and finite. _We_, on
the other hand, are eternal, multi-dimensional beings who
can never die or be destroyed because we are a part of All
That Is. We get into trouble when we start to identify with
our egos and forget our true natures. When we start to
believe that we are our egos, we see the world from our
ego’s point of view and experience fear and pain.
All fear comes from the ego. All fear, in fact, is directly
related to the ego’s fear of being destroyed. Fear can only
exist when we believe that we are separated from the Source.
The more we believe the ego, the more we believe we are
separate from the Source, and the more we experience fear.
Only two states of being exist: fear and love. We experience
fear when we listen to the ego and buy into the idea that
we’re separate from the universe. We experience love when we
remember the truth that we are whole and complete. It’s not
possible to experience both states of being at the same
time, although most of us are masters at switching between
them almost instantly.
Many of us are familiar with the truth that our reality is
nothing more than words. Our thoughts and beliefs define our
experience of reality. Therefore, if we change the words, we
change the world. We can, in fact, change our lives in an
instant, simply by choosing to create more elegant and
supportive thoughts. We can release any negative belief,
eliminate any destructive pattern, and instantly experience
the levels of joy, love and prosperity that are our
birthright.
The challenge is that the ego does not understand this. And,
more to the point, the ego has a vested interest in making
sure that we do not change our thoughts, beliefs, patterns
or behaviors. Moreover, whenever we do set an intention to
change our thoughts, our egos interfere in subtle and
insidious ways to insure that we continue to think, believe,
and behave exactly as we have in the past.
And why does the ego do this? The ego does this in order to
protect us. One could even go so far as to say the ego does
this because it loves us. Granted, it’s definitely a “Mommy
Dearest” “No-More-Wire-Hangers” kind of love, but even so,
when the ego encourages us to cling to our painful, negative
beliefs, it does so because it truly believes that it’s
acting in our best interest.
Remember, the ego is a part of the third dimension; we are
not. What the ego believes is in our best interest is not
always actually in our best interest.
The ego believes that it is protecting us from being
destroyed. (In point of fact, the ego is actually protecting
itself from being destroyed. The ego _can_ be destroyed.
_We,_ on the other hand, cannot, because we are eternal,
multi-dimensional beings, and individualized aspects of All
That Is.) The ego believes that even our most painful,
limiting beliefs are essential, because the small amount of
pain that we experience actually protects us from a much
bigger pain: death.
When we choose to change our thinking, we must be careful
not to trigger our egos. One of the most powerful ways to
approach changing our thoughts and beliefs is to consider
this radical thought:
Every belief that we currently hold, no matter how negative,
painful, limiting, and even wrong it may be, actually serves
us. Because we are whole, complete and perfect exactly as we
are, it follows that each and every one of our beliefs is
also perfect.
This may seem a strange approach to changing our thinking,
but consider it more deeply. The root of every negative,
limiting belief is the belief that there is something wrong
with us. This belief, in turn, can only exist when we buy
into the illusion that we are separate, and forget the truth
that we are completely and eternally connected to all of
creation; that since we are individualized aspects of All
That Is, we are, by our very nature, perfect.
Often, when we believe that there is something wrong with
our beliefs, we trigger the ego. As a result, we beat
ourselves up for having created the negative belief in the
first place. This, of course, only reinforces the root of
all of our negative beliefs: that there is something wrong
with us. When we accept ourselves and our current beliefs as
perfect, we avoid triggering the ego. This is the most
effective way of actually changing our beliefs.
Once we’ve convinced our ego that there’s nothing wrong with
the beliefs that we currently hold, we can introduce a new
thought. While all of our beliefs are currently working just
fine, it may be possible to upgrade our beliefs, and make
more elegant choices.
Consider this: most of our most limiting and painful beliefs
were formed while we were children. We created these beliefs
using the resources and skills available to us at the time,
in order to protect us from very specific circumstances and
situations. Even though these beliefs worked beautifully
when we were children, we’ve never actually updated them.
Our circumstances have changed. We’ve developed
significantly greater skills, and have infinitely more
choices and resources at our disposal as adults than we did
as children. It may just be possible that we can create a
new belief that does an even better job of protecting us
than the old one did.
Or, to put it another way, when we formed most of our
painful and negative beliefs, we only had the 8-color box of
crayons to use. Now, as adults, we have access to the big,
128-color box. The 8-color beliefs still serve us, but when
we’re ready, we can also choose to upgrade and create more
elegant, skillful, and above all, more colorful beliefs.
Kevin B. Burk is the author of The Relationship Handbook:
How to Understand and Improve Every Relationship in Your
Life. Visit http://www.everyrelationship.com for a FREE
report on creating AMAZING Relationships.
